Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   *Justin Bieber goes to jail *Writes "Free JB!" on wall in protest *learns cellmate is dyslexic

   If my boyfriend ever cheated on me I'd be like omg I have a boyfriend :)

   I’m pretty sure that if I shot the sheriff, I would also shoot the deputy, because why the heck not at that point?

   Does this "eating a lean cuisine on a Saturday night." Make me look single?

   "Hit her with a chair!" ~Drunk guy watching fifty shades of grey probably

   This weekend raise a glass to your mom since you're why she drinks in the first place.

   Some people are weak and can't handle life so they turn to drugs. Some turn to religion.

   Thanks for the womb and board, Mom!

   Happy Mothers day Bruce Jenner!

   Where are the realistic Mother's Day cards that say, "Well you did the best you could with what you had and I still love you anyways."

   I think I have found the answer to our h omosexual problem. The butch women who think they are men should hook up with those girly men who think they are female. Problem solved.

   Happy Mother's Day! Mom's are the REAL MVP.

   Taking my mom to McDonald's for breakfast she's the best ❤️

   My whole family graduated from "Drama" school..

   Woman logic: Joins a free dating site and complains about men being cheap.

   We need to celebrate an anti-mothers day to reward those kids who made it through high school without getting knocked up...

   Does Bruce Jenner get a Mother's Day present this year?

   Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Thanks for the womb and board.

   Feminism. Ok start with cheer leading. That's probably the most degrading activity ever. Using women as tools and decoration pieces while men be the center of attention. You did this to yourselves

   The more you're human, the less friends you have.