Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can always tell the Irish.... You just can't tell'm much!

   I'm getting into a drunken brawl with the first person that sterotypes Irish.

   I’m glad they have a holiday to honor Neil PATRICK Harris, he’s amazing.

   Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you're under oath

   Thanks to leggings and yoga pants, my imagination can take a break.

   Public Service Announcement: It's St. "Paddy's" Day.... "Patty" is short for Patricia.

   When is a good time to mention that St. Patrick was British and taken as a slave to Ireland for 6 years before escaping? Not today then?

   *Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water"

   The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.

   She says she is surprised to see me but her drawn eyebrows tell a different story.

   They say don't burn bridges you may have to cross later. I say I don't mind swimming if the bridge was f--ked up to begin with.

   A woman will ask her man what hairstyle she should get next but then go on to get a different one to the one he suggested.

   I encountered a bear in the woods and accidentally played Dad instead of dead. Now it can ride a bike without training wheels.

   Happy Irish-stereotypes day.

   A wise man once said nothing. He let her vent, and then they had sex.

   So who's up for some Dublin penetration on this woderful St. Paddy's Day?

   I just rap battled with my 5 year old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.

   Your password must contain at least 8 letters, a capital, a plot, a protagonist with good character development, a twist and a happy ending

   St. Patrick's Day Tip: Remember to switch your regular toilet paper roll out with a green roll tonight...You'll thank me tomorrow.

   Ladies, if a man asks another "did you f**k her?" and he answers "A gentleman has no memory", that means "YES"