Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm pretty sure the dirty looks your wife gives you are not the looks you married her for.

   .... Happy Easter!!! ... BTW it's also 4-20 ... so it's also Easter Bowl Sunday!

   Past mistakes are meant to guide you, not get her pregnant.

   I hope when Jesus comes out of his cave, he sees his shadow so we can finally have spring.

   There is a thick line between ok sex and awesome sex.

   God isn't the problem. The problem is his fan club.

   On Easter Sunday when Jesus came forth from the tomb and ascended into heaven he was technically moving back in with his parents.

   The whole resurrecting from the dead thing is too hard for kids to grasp. Egg sh*tting bunny? Yeah lets go with the egg sh*tting bunny.

   Going to the movies to watch Oculus today like the good lord intended

   The only rabbit I like on Easter is the one that's plastic and vibrates

   So if Jesus sees his shadow when he comes out of his cave can we finally have spring?

   Easter falls on 4/20 this year...... Easter Bunny is going to have completely different grass in his basket!

   A little known fact from the Bible is that between his resurrection and his ascension into heaven, Jesus ate nothing but brains.

   Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?

   On a scale from 1 to 420.. How much Easter candy are you eating right now?

   religion? um, ha, no. i'm not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. 

   So many porcupines... so little poop.

   Quit crying, kid. I won this Easter egg hunt fair and square...

   my dyslexic neighbor keeps looking for his god

   can you just let us believe in who we want to.. quit trying to convince us otherwise