Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Religion is only for frighten children to obey old people.

   Its not enough to just be in a relationship, now you have to state what type too? FB is out of control!!! What the heck is a open domestic partnership? That's just pimping ....

   Don't feel bad if you don't enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That's what matters.

   Religion is only for frightening children to obey old people.

   Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. There's food in there!

   There is no problem in the entire world that could not be resolved if everyone would just do it my way.

   At the time of passion, stuupidity and anger or survival, when you just want to satisfy yourself, there is no religious man.

   Thx for the info Copernicus, but that crap ain't funny. You need to take it to the boring site.

   X says There is no problem in the entire world that could not be resolved if everyone would just do it Jimmy Buffett's way!!

   Gas so high in Brockton that it hasn't been a drive-by in 2 months.”

   No you're mom was so last Friday night...

   Oreos dont ask silly questions....oreos just understand.

   The bad thing about aging is that sooner or later, "bust a move" turns into "bust a hip."

   A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don’t know how to turn on the dish washer. I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick

   Me: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you're smart too, I like that.

   I went to my 35th high school reunion and realized that "the one that got away" turned into a "dodged a bullet."

   The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.

   Hello, Room service? Yes, in order to make my fort structurally sound I'm gonna need 9 more pillows brought to room 355 Bring ice cream too

   When life hands you women, make women laid

   And The Bro saith unto them, Follow me to the club, and I will make you fishers of women. Bromans 4:19