Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kids these days, Will never know what it feels like to push a VHS tape into a VCR.

   Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.

   Let's face it, if jizz tasted good, none of us would have been born.

   To me the song "Baby its cold outside" will always sound like an attempted abduction.

   Shout Out to the dude that's getting beat by the police cuz he took his hands off the hood of the car to Tweet about being pulled over!

   You can't change a ho, but you can exchange the ho.

   I miss the days when men dressed like men. Nowadays guys dress in jeans tighter than their girlfriends'.

   There's a wild side to every innocent face!

   when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumba$$ over here?"

   Snoop Dog carries an umbrella!!!! Fo Drizzle...

   to all my haterz...I hope you step on a lego.

   If you dont like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree...

   Imagine if you had the Facebook Master account for one day

   Christmas shopping for your parents isnt easy. I mean, what DO you buy someone who has the perfect gift. Like me, for example

   The republican party... I'm sorry I thought we were telling jokes

   Your outlook determines your outcome!

   RIP Slim Dunkin...Thank God it was not the Doughnut!!!

   After refreshing for hours, I just realized that this might be the new layout..

   To get back at the boss for no Christmas bonus, my goal is to rub my balls on everything in his office by New Years. Luckily I started in June.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, So now theres a dell rolling in the deep.