Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes it's easier to act like you don"t care, than to admit that it's killing you.

   if you dont see a future in yourself, then there is no future in us...

   Only had about 4 hours of sleep last night, that should be good right? It is not like I am going to fall asleep on my keyboar

   You take the L out of Lover and its over

   Judging from the numerous semi-naked profile pics I come across on facebook, I would say the porn industry will never have to worry about shortage of labour.

   Subscribe to me here on facebook for as low as $1.99 a month! First 100 subscribers get a free 'like' on one of their posts from me.

   Just put on my Halloween costume! This year I'm going as "Guy Who Thinks Halloween Is On October 19th."

   I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses

   I took one of my wife's vitamins this morning if anybody wants to go shoe shopping or ask my opinion on curtains, call me

   'Anonymous' is a film about how Shakespeare was really a no-talent hack, by the guy who made 'Godzilla' & '10,000 BC.'

   by the power vested in me, I know pronounce you ... Blocked & Deleted. You may now kiss my @ss

   Soulja boy in prison will really help is career. For once he will have bars.

   theres too many car dealers around so I'm gonna go different... I'm gonna sell unicycles. i'll be the only one in the region so I'll get all the sales

   I believe it was a German who said "an empty anus makes the most sound..."

   I am worried about my neighbour as he gets too many concussions and we are very close...in fact just a stones throw away!

   I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand!

   Ironically, sweatpants are the least likely pant to get any sweat on them.

   Well maybe if you didn't have dem ( . )( . ) poppin out your turtleneck we wouldn't have this Eye-Contact problem....

   Women need that perfect combination of "Yes Dear" and "Hush Yo Mouth Woman"..

   I shouldn't have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.