Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?

   We live in the "WTF" generation. [W]ikipedia [T]witter [F]acebook

   Grab somebody sexty, Text them hey, Send me everything tonight.

   Two blondes fall down a pit. First Blonde: "It's dark in here isn't it..." Second Blonde: "I don't know, I can't see..."

   Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.

   Why do they even make car alarms anymore? When's the last time you heard one and didn't just walk away muttering about what a douche they are?

   4S = for steve?

   Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.

   Cancer must be Chinese. It took our Jobs.

   To stimulate the economy we must first find it's "G-SPOT".

   I just don't get it. One minute their telling you that they don't appreciate being treated like a piece of meat and the next their covering themselves with oil and baking themselves in a tanning bed....... Women.

   i like my women like I like my stamps, lick them and send them on their way.

   I think I have pretty nice nipples for a guy. Not bragging, just stating a fact.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, the middle one is for you!

   I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!

   It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, but it takes even fewer to give the finger to whoever made you frown.

   Elementary math problems are weird. "'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know... DIABETES MAYBE!!!"

   I like my women like I like my cheese. Fat free American singles..

   Frank's Red hot & Oral Sex...Ya I put that $hit on everything....

   Crazy? ya I was Crazy once. So my friends put me in a padded cell, and I went nuts...Nuts? Squirrels like nuts. Squirrels are crazy....Crazy? ya I was Crazy once....