Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yelling "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PULL UP YOUR PANTS!", just as your boss ends a teleconference is a fun prank but you can only do it once per job

   The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.

   Some nights getting a 3-year-old to sleep feels a lot like trying to kill a Terminator

   " A friend with weed is a friend indeed!!!!! "

   How do you say "virgin" in Dutch? Goodentight.

   BOY:"Would you wear socks if you had no feet?" GIRL:"Nope." BOY:"Then, why do you wear a bra?" GIRL:"Why do you wear pants?"

   would someone please wake Green Day.

   Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   People call me crazy, but you can call me tonight!

   I turn my pillow several times in the night because I like the cold side.

   Don't get overly excited whenever someone invites you over to hangout. It coud be you are just an option for when they are bored.

   Farts are the screams of trapped poo.

   Chill bro, I don't want your girlfriend...actually, no one wants your girlfriend, that's why she's with you.

   mad the only time people like stufff is if it's BAD... :\

   The worst sight in the world is...SEEING YOUR MOTHER CRY.

   I'm not trying to be perfect, I'm trying to be better than I was the day before.

   Live everyday like it's your last because one day you'll be right!

   If anyone hears a loud wailing noises don't worry , it's just me paying my bills .

   wondering what would have happened if we quit posting on page 2012...

   got arrested last night...apparently pushing a hot wheel down the highway at 3 a.m. is frowned upon