Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   watching day after tomorrow and the news at the same time. its almost like watching the same thing!!!

   I'm a White man, and working for a living was my idea.

   To all the people who failed out of school, just remember 2 things: 1. You tried your best! 2. I said no tomatoes on my burger, b1tch!

   I can't imagine a world without weekends :)

   Same old same old __ I frikkin' love weekends :D __ you're welcome!!!

   Glad I got boobs to catch food. Much rather do laundry than use a papertowel.

   Question is: Am I responsible enough to be in charge of cooking oil after 5 beers. We shall see. If I catch the house on fire you'll all be the first to know, I'll update on the way out :D

   Would it be a good thing if I woke up feeling like P.Diddy? WTF's that mean anyway?!!

   Hmm, a country that's government still wears women's wigs older yes, wiser, me thinks not.

   It's all funny till the zombies come isn't it?

   This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”

   - True fact about my friends: Friends are like boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.

   They say that this planet is another world's hell. I don't know WTF I did but I'm Sorry!!!

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   I think if they named all the huricanes after men, they probaably would never make it past the Virgin Islands...

   Job's forbidden fruit co. (Apple) has turned you into an unrepentable sinner if your partner says "iLoveU" and you reply with "When is the launch date for that?"

   Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age, but will kill you if you forget their birthday`s :-)

   "Irene is what happens when the universe has just had enough of Jersey Shore..."

   No seriuously we should not have dumped Osama bin Laden's body in the ocean ..... Neptune is pissed. He has Unleashed The Kraken's