Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   iWon't make any lame Steve Jobs jokes

   hears Gold dropped 104.00 per ounce today...let's start working on the economic bail-out package for Mr. T.

   your shoes so cheap, you click'em three times and you end up in a crackhouse

   Texting+Facebook=Textbook. So..., I'm studying?

   Saw a lady in line at grocery store... Could tell she was single by the ammount of cat food she bought

   15% of men see " <3 " as a heart. 85% see " <3 " as a party hat on boobs.

   I just heard Steve Jobs Resigned from Apple Computers. His last thing to show people today was called a iquit.....

   If I put half as much effort into my relationships as I put into charging my phone I might not die alone...

   I heard that Steve Jobs was trying to type "I reign as CEO of Apple!" on his iPhone, but the autocorrect got him.

   Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.

   The Red Plastic Cup.... Making you feel like 15 to 24 years old again!

   Don't love the person who "enjoys" with you. Love the person who "suffers" without you.

   I heard you are good at mathematics! Can you replace my X without asking Y?

   UNDENIABLE FACTS 101: You were born because, your parents had sex.

   To me women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

   Guys...Wanna feel appreciated by your woman? Tighten all the the jar and bottle lids in the house, then leave for a day or two.

   If you're always being cheated on in every relationship you get into, then it's clear the problem isn't them. The problem is in your decisions. You're the one picking them.

   Dear fat, I don't need you to cover me. Sincerely muscle.

   The only reason a husband would ever take up jogging is so that he could hear heavy breathing again.

   Whats the similarity between Men and Rats? They all run around looking for Holes