Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just had a Clark Kent moment, I didn't recognize you because you didn't have your glasses on.

   Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a smack upside the head. Lets raise awareness.

   Remember, Eat Your School, Stay in Drugs &&& Don't Do Vegetables?.......Wait........

   If at first you do succeed, try something harder

   After hearing the news that an AirFrance jumbojet clipped a Delta Airlines plane, France immediately surrendered.

   Somehow, hitting the 'end call' button on the cell phone just doesn't feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.

   Just found out a human kidney is worth up to 100,000 dollars. On an unrelated side note, party with free alcohol at my house this weekend.

   Just say yes to boobies. There's no other way to go :D

   The Netherlands have 800 miles of massive dikes? That's one hell of a parade.

   My ex and I were together for 7 years. Evidently I broke a mirror.

   Dont you hate when you lying to somebody and someone else come out of nowhere like "oh yeah, I heard about that"..... lol.... NO you didnt, cause I made it up!!!

   “Oprah's Secret” sounds like a new line of plus-sized lingerie.

   Don't steal. The government hates competition.

   If the internet is the superhighway... Facebook is that bad accident backing up traffic for miles because everyone can't help staring at it.

   The early worm gets the bird. ┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐

   I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous.

   I crack open a beer and get on facebook when I have nothing else to do....and also when I have something else to do....

   Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner

   Spring makes every day feel like you're stuck in the office on a Friday afternoon.

   I took everything with a grain of salt and now I have hypertension.