Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why do men think women are so complicated ?? All you have to do is give us chocolate, tell us we're pretty, and assume everything we say is right

   Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas" The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found" Well played, ninjas, well played

   Funny Conundrum: Most single people wana be in a relationship, and most people in a relationship wana be single.

   Heads up... If your significant other is paranoid about you cheating, it probably means they are.

   Don't let your life be hell, you get more than enough of that when it's over

   Gonna get a softball team going and name ourselves "off constantly". That way if we lose a game, we could still have the satisfaction of listening our opponents try to brag about beating off constantly..

   it only thunders when it's raining.. a player only loves you when he's playing..

   If you don't care where you are then your not lost.

   Oh my God... that sun drop commercial with the pale chick dancing to snoop Doug is so annoying I just threw my remote at the TV screaming "shut up!!" Anyway.. I'm at best buy looking for a new TV...

   It'd blow everyone's mind if one day Charlie Sheen just pulled off a mask & it was Andy Kaufman.

   Q. How long will Charlie Sheen's tour last? A: 2 1/2 shows!

   My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time" I see "Time to Beat"

   God dont need a Dam, he can walk on water.

   I'd mind my own business if yours wasn't so damn interesting

   i wonder what the first person who milked a cows original intentions were.

   if my start phone was so smart it wouldnt get freaked out and start shaking whenever it got a text message.

   dear GPS, please add an, "avoid ghetto" option.

   I once dated a girl with one boob bigger than the other...She entered a wet t-shirt competition and won first and third prize

   Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

   soo upset that I mixed up my voodoo dolls. If you feel any sharp, stabbing pains, please call me and describe the location. Thanks