Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i love watching commercials for medicatications. the symptoms are usually worse the the side effects of the meds. for example I have an itchy leg. "try dexalog: symptoms might involve: growing an extra head out of your, neck, skin to decintergrate, loss o

   Look slavery is and will alwayz be wrong..BUT...I think I'm starting too understand white folks better cuz doing ur own laundry does kinda suck too

   When a woman says "We need to work on our communication" what she means is you need to listen to what I want and not share your opinion on the matter.

   You can safely say you live in the ghetto when you open your front door to the smell of hotdogs.

   practicing her speech for the Oscars with a little help from King George VI. So far all I have is....th..thank....you.

   now that you've checked in there i'm going around your place to steal your things coz I now know i've got a good hour before you're close to home!!

   I'm counting the calories as I eat this double quarter pounder with cheese...Wish me luck weight lost!

   Just herd Tyler Perry is investing in a new special event...Ah well... I will talk to you guys later, I'm about to watch Tyler Perry Presents: The Oscars.

   just discovered a great motivator for dieting. I just tried on my bikini's I plan on wearing this summer.

   doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

   roses are red, violets are blue, the moment you leave, I'm robbing you... Thank you Iphone GPS!

   I get my energy from my inner G dawg. Just kidding I'm white.

   Look, I know you have your "swag on" but can you walk a little bit faster?

   I swear when LeBron James was born and the doctor spanked him he got the foul called

   Police officer says "Anything you say will be taken down and used as evidence against you." Your answer should always be "Please don't hit me again officer"

   .My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.

   Well fellas another one bit the dust.......that's right he got married! Let us pray for him........................May GOD protect him, and that his wife will have mercy on his soul! And friend, I think it's time to start tweaking the whole " I, (name), a

   I'm not as dumb as you look!

   Ophrah needs to hang with Jennifer Hudson

   WOW!!!! Kirk Douglas looks better then Larry King.