Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just saw two people together at a restaurant and neither of them were texting anyone. Weird.

   I would buy the 10 thousand dollar hair of Justin Beiber at ebay and clone it so just that I can kill his clone to pieces with my barehands!

   Got pulled over by the cops today and he ask me if I had a police record ..... I said yes ....every breath you take and don't stand so close to me........ Now what is my lawyer phone number

   Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck

   I put my facebook in her twitter then she was youtubing my google and I was going yahoo.

   I wish my teachers graded my papers drunk.

   wants to work for the Attitude Adjustment Bureau

   I was asked today, " Jeremy, should I dye my beard and get rid of the grey hairs? Or do I look better with the greys?" So I looked this person right in the eyes and said "Aunt Shirley, you really should just shave it! You look like Chewbacca's sister!"

   time for those homeless people with will work for food signs to grab a shovel

   i speak fluen deutsch

   i should not be allowed to send text messages to the opposite sex between the hours of 8pm and 7am fri-sun morning it only results in me making an a$$ of myself

   can't wait in 60 years to see what senior citizens will look like in jordans, timberlands with the pants that hang to there ankles and the shirt thats 13 times too big.

   The words there, their, and they're do NOT mean the same thing.

   saying "black and yellow black and yellow"... sounds like a R. Kelly home made video.

   Never run after a bus or a woman....There will always be another.

   THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends..... Seriously it's not rocket science people!

   It's looking like along week. And like a midget at a urinal, I'm going to have to be on my toes for it.

   I don't think people like the hugs I dish out. They say its weird during mid hug when I whisper in their ear..."Just relax and spread that hug all over me".

   You dont need superpowers to read my mind all you need is a facebook Or Twitter..Lol

   Women cant hear what Men don't say