@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages
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Page: 7 of 10
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Time flies when you're having beer.
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This may be the wine talking but... "Help! He's drinking me.., he's drinking me!"
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I bought a goldfish... named it after my ex-girlfriend and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
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If my fortune cookie said "You will die a violent death today," I would still add "in bed" to the end and laugh.
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wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.
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I just watched an erectile dysfunction commercial for ten minutes before I realized it was Entourage.
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Look... if you have both toilet paper and bath towels in your bathroom... I am going to assume you are giving me a choice.
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These red lights never give me enough time to finish my Facebook status upda
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Whenever I get called for jury duty.., I wear my American flag onesie so the lawyers know my brand of justice is pure.
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The only sex tape I'm familiar with is duct tape.
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The slogan "America runs on Dunkin'" pretty much sums up where we are as a country.
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The doctor called me in his office and said be positive. I said why doc what's wrong? He said nothing... that's your blood type.
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Went bowling last night.... because I like jamming my thumb where a million other people have jammed their thumbs.
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I just unlocked the "Restraining Order" badge by stalking people who use 4square.
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Next time I go to the opera... I'm taking my own fat lady in case I need to leave early.
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You know what is better than dry shampoo? Showering.
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... and then confuse people into thinking it's the rest of your previous status update when it isn't.
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I'm pretty sure Knick, Knack and Patty Whack have given me the bone today.
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When I die, I want to be cremated regardless of cost... I feel like I've urned it.
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doesn't accept blame well... but it's not my fault.
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