Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   It is amazing how many people have bad reactions to gluten, peanuts, and facts.

   F*CK! I'm so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.

   That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good life.

   Sometimes, I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.

   My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today. Its her or FaceBook. You people better be worth it.

   People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies

   Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.

   People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"

   When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!

   Think back to 1850. California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. Nothing has changed, except then women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands!

   i realized I was getting old today when I discovered my first grey pubic hair."Dont worry, I wasnt as freeked out as the rest of the people in the elivator", I got over it...

   Facebook prank #23: Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on...

   Women are the only people who can go out broke and come home drunk.

   Why are the people in herpes commercials always so chipper and happy? Does the pill make them forget they have herpes?

   People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

   So you wonder why I never seem to get any sleep. Well I never go to bed angry. I stay up and plot my revenge. So ask yourself something, do I hate alot of people or is one person really going to get it. Now your wondering if its you.

   Honestly can people quit falling for these Facebook scams and virus's all this 'view her commit suicide' or links to other random crap like 'view whos seen ur profile' - just dont click on it! Their all bugs so avoid at all costs! Dont let curiosity kill

   Sometimes those people you think are acting dumb are in fact not acting at all.

   Okay people, if you are driving a small car, and are not towing a trailer or driving a semi; you have no business coming into the left lane to negotiate a right turn

   We need a set time limit for when people can say "long story short," because it usually comes WAY too late.