Funny Status Messages

   n't Coors Light a redundancy?

   Peppa Pig's Daddy: " No, kids, I never porked Mommy. That'd be redundant."

   I miss the old everybody. Ain't nobody the same no more.

   Running out of ideas for entertainment. Thinking about asking the neighborhood to gather in the street 6' apart and do the Hokey Pokey. After all, that is what it's all about.

   After the coronavirus passed I'm going to be in need a facebookers anonymous meeting.

   The other day I opened the center console in my wife’s vehicle and chap sticks sprang out of there like snakes in a can.

   if dogs could text back they'd call

   I was driving down the road this morning and swerved to avoid a banana peel. See mom me playing Mario Kart in my room all day when I was younger paid off.

   If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet ?

   I'l have to be a trombone donor. I'm all out of organs.

   When my Bank Balance Depresses me, I Look at my Email Spam Folder to check the Nigerian Prince Million Dollars I have been left behind

   While thinking of revenge two sayings came to mind: " revenge is a dish best served cold" and "revenge is sweet". I therefore came to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

   it me or people who moved to a warmer weather have nothin to say on their post expect weather??

   A plumber's job can draining.

   When we go shopping, my wife thinks that I am bored because I constantly keep looking at my phone

   How can one know what someone is doing when that someone does not know what they're doing

   Already rolling my eyes in preparation for the 4/20 snap chats I get on Easter.

   You look like the kind of girl that gets her sex tips from a grocery store tabloid.

   Charlie Sheern has all this "tiger" blood I guess its only fair Tiger has a little "Charlie" blood.

   I'm not musically inclined so I orchestrate robberies.