flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I eat alot of king sized candy bars. Not because I like alot of candy, but because I'm of a royalty.

   In an interview years later, Prince's former boss Mr. McGee said that he never disliked Prince. He just liked Morris Day better.

   When you bring the Taco Bell 12 pack of tacos to the party. You won't be finding yourself invited to a lot of parties.

   I wonder how much trial and error it took before the guy that invented "pull my finger" got it down to a science and stopped pooping his pants.

   America won't be truly great again until we eradicate anyone who willingly orders coleslaw as a side

   Every time I hear Europe's "Final Countdown" I'm expecting Gob Bluth to appear and do a little magic

   I hate little dogs. I can only love dogs that could kill me.

   Wave your hands in the air, if a bee is right there.

   February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?

   i dont know whats worst..hearing dane cooks jokes..or seeing them recycled here all the time

   I've never had personalized license plates, but don't worry, I still know how to waste most of my discretionary income.

   The bare toilet paper tube next to my open lap top tells you all you need to know about last night.

   I hate having to hold my wife's purse when she's buying shoes, especially when she's buying them on Zappos!

   Just read the entire Michael Jackson will -- turns out the doggone girl is mine.

   Getting lots of admiring looks in my new denim short-shirts and halter top.

   If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for

   I play this fun game with ladies called "just the tip," where I refuse to pay for anything other than the gratuity at dinner.

   I am on Buford Avenue and basically ready to wrestle anyone who's up for it. Or even not up for it.

   Parrot kept me up til three in the morning. He had a case of the hiccups. Finally figured out he was just imitating my hiccups from earlier.

   Cashier asked me if I wanted a box for my groceries. I said "yes", and she punched me