flinnie Funny Status Messages

   This woman's so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger

   Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking!

   If I ever end up missing, please put my picture on a bottle of whiskey and not a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   The only difference between a sink and urinal is an opinion

   'Anonymous' is a film about how Shakespeare was really a no-talent hack, by the guy who made 'Godzilla' & '10,000 BC.'

   How many times of day can you worry about being pecked to death by a flock of seagulls before it finally comes true?

   last night I prayed for the Lord to stop me from going bald, and to regrow hair. This morning I woke up with a 6 inch hair growing out my ear. Well played Lord, Well played

   Would I bring a knife to a gunfight? Sure. Maybe some potato chips, too. I mean, they were kind enough to invite me to their fight.

   If He-Man had the power of Grayskull, how come he had such a crappy haircut?

   There's a first time for everything. Except déjà vu.

   A fun thing to do at public restrooms is to wait until someone leaves, click a stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.

   Imagine a guy trying to run upstairs while wearing roller blades. That's my life

   Hot weather drinking tip: Consume a fist full of aspirin, down a bottle of vodka and go stand out in the sun for about seven hours. Its fun

   just saw a homeless guy blasting Nickleback on his radio, proving that listening to Nickelback leads to homelessness

   My wife wanted two cats but I am the man in this house so we got two cats

   Lost fifty dollars in my neighborhood. If someone finds it I'll give them a free dog.

   I think a funny thing to do is call "How's My Driving" numbers on the backs of trucks and yell, "Well for starters GET OFF THE PHONE!"

   Hey kids you may think you are cool playing your music loud, but face the facts. You were probably conceived during a commercial during Melrose Place

   "Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is.

   To me the song "Baby its cold outside" will always sound like an attempted abduction.