flinnie Funny Status Messages

   There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

   Everyone hates planes babies are just honest about it

   If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Everybody else, write a novel about your childhood.

   I'm going to open a store and call it "Don't Patronize Me."

   You realize 30 years from now some idiot actress is going to be talking about the "challenge of portraying an icon like Kim Kardashian".

   I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.

   You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo?

   When they say, "Hello, sir. Can you sign this petition to end guilt-tripping outside of supermarkets?" Then I'll sign.

   Struggling with Impostor Syndrome a lot lately. I guess I just need to relax, take a breath, and remind myself that my father was the Czar.

   the glass half full or half empty? Mine is cracked and leaking valuable water.

   I never tip restroom attendants because they already got to listen to me poop, and you can't really put a price on that.

   "I hate cats." - Curiosity

   Just wrote "calculator" on a boob.

   I miss the days when Disney produced cartoons instead of teen floozies.

   WHENEVER YOU GET BORED , SEND THIS TEXT TO A RANDOM NUMBER....." I KILLED HIM , NOW WHAT ? "

   I can't express my level of disappointment when I'm scrolling and see "Robin Hood:" and it's "Prince of Thieves" and not "Men In Tights"

   Who do you suppose was the first person to ever kick butt and think, "Hey, I know, I'm gonna start taking down some names too."

   I'm thinking of dropping the whole "I'm from the street/thug life" persona.

   Remember, nothing you do will be remembered.

   Sometimes I like to order my food "to go" then eat the whole thing at the counter while staring the cashier right in the eye