flinnie Funny Status Messages

   When the interviewer asks "Why do you want to work here?" don't answer "you'll find out!" and laugh maniacally

   Old movies make train travel look so romantic, but who in this day and age has time to solve a murder mystery?

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.

   Many of the problems in Rick James's life could have been avoided if he could have taken Superfreak home to mother.

   Found a 2 inch eyebrow sticking out of my head. I have terrible friends that are too self-absorbed to notice what's really important.

   I'd like to beat the life out of someone with a violin. That way I could be described as having been instrumental in their death

   I forget how ridiculous I look while air drumming until I see the pictures that come with my red light ticket.

   I've spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn't rhyme with good.

   Got a headache from looking at all the options of headache relief.

   I'm starting to think it's probably not that hard out there for a pimp.

   today I was awoken at 3am by my child laughing hysterically in his sleep. All I could think of is "man I really wish I didn't watch so many horror movies cause I'm creeped out!"

   Fact: Guys don't like it when you compliment them on their gay apparel.

   Those friends of yours who only call you when they're driving? They're bored, stuck in a car and totally using you

   Talking faster and repeating louder your very weak argument does not help you. It makes you appear more like a toddler. And a whiny one at that

   Some might debate whether waterboarding is torture, but we can all agree leaving burnt popcorn beeping in the office microwave IS torture.

   I really hope the guy from Microsoft can take some time out from his busy schedule to read the hundreds of error reports I send him daily

   What's a pirate's fave letter of the alphabet? Trick question. They are illiterate savages whose purposes are ill-served by the written word

   There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press "door close" in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars

   FACT: The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.

   My plan for getting out of work tomorrow relies heavily on two of my best skills--lying and tampering with fire extinguishers.