flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Facebook was the most searched term on Google last month. If you need Google to find Facebook, you shouldn't be using the internet.

   When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.

   Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it's time and getting to know each one of us personally.

   I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.

   Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.

   There's a special place in hell for murderers and the guy who decided what time breakfast ends at McDonalds.

   n't it interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering

   I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.

   the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"

   I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that's my stuff!"?

   Hey skinny guy having a Greek yogurt and Vitamin Water for lunch. I'd come punch you in the face but I don't want my fries to get cold

   Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I'm getting tired of running and he's catching up to me

   if I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a priest, a rabbi and a minister to walk into bars with me

   I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them..

   How to Stop Cyber Bullying: 1. Close your laptop 2. You Win!!

   Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.

   I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work

   It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

   People who say "No, and here's why..." need to realize that we stopped listening after the "no" part.

   Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up.