Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Don't call them hobos. Call them "people with earning disabilities.

   You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.

   Some people aren't shaking hands because of the Corona virus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone's almost out of toilet paper.

   People are like cutlery. Women want to spoon and men want to fork.

   I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.

   it ok to taser other people's screaming kids in the supermarket? Asking for me

   People were shocked when they found I wasn't a good electrician. :-)

   When people dressed like witches, strippers and hobos show up at my front door it must be Halloween because my family reunion was in July.

   Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.

   I really find it laughable when the very same people who say they really appreciate your honesty .... Suddenly hate you when you are actually honest with them .....

   Back in my day, #Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.

   They call cat people crazy but they're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies.

   When I'm at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.

   It's always cute when people say "looks don't matter".

   Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.

   they say you should never tell a joke about blind people, oh yeah? watch me

   The Internet is like alcohol, it gives people courage.

   Being an adult is pretty easy. You just feel tired all the time & tell people about how tired you are & they tell you how tired they are.

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.

   Oh not seeing enough tests?? I thought people were saying they aren't seeing enough breasts. Either way, I agree.