Michael askins Funny Status Messages
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Dear girl in Walmart, Yes it is summer but your shirt and shorts are way too small and you look like a half opened can of biscuits. Sincerely, The guy in line behind you clawing out his eyeballs..
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may the bridges I burn light my way...
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likes being vague, because it's almost as fun as doing this other thing.
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Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose
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The government shut down? Hmm.. Didn't notice any difference...
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thinks spell check is for the week
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wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome.
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thinking of spending the cab money on more shots and just taking the ambulance home
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Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got
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you get what you pay for... Nothing proves this more than toilet paper and hookers
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likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.
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Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose
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I just seen someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty running down the road being chased by a Rottweiler..... Today is off to a great start!!!
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I may be reading too much into this, but I'm pretty sure this girl I met is stalking me... I saw her google my name last night through my binoculars.. I nearly fell out of the tree!!
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If your in the grocery store with your new iphone 7 and pay with food stamps don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.
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Likes being vague.. because its almost as fun as doing this other thing..
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You know those packets that come in beef jerky to keep it fresh? I just ate one... And it wasnt half bad..
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Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...
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wondering if you have multiple personalities and threaten to kill yourself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.
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