@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages
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Today... I'm opening up a Battered Shrimp Shelter... in my stomach.
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tuned in to watch the Grammys but didn't see hardly any grandmothers at all.
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there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?
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wishing that my computer would crash and erase all of the work I'm not doing this morning.
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alcohol may cause more deaths than AIDS, TB, and violence... but doesn't it make up for it with pregnancies?i
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take me drunk, I'm home!
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Sadly, "kangaroo on a trampoline" returned zero Youtube results.
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M.C. Hammer should be a security guard at an art museum.
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I bet hell is full of morning people and obsessive compulsive Facebook pokers.
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thinks Twitter spoils us... if only we could limit people in real life to 140 characters or less.
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If you need help in a hurry at Best Buy... just begin shoving a CD in your pants.
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doesn't think drinking will solve your problems... but it will give you lots of interesting new ones.
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And then it hit me... For years we have had the "#2", "drop a deuce", "talk to a man about a dog" and "drop the kids off at the pool"... Now I proudly introduce... "Hey guys, brb... I gotta go bury a Bin Laden."
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met a girl last nite that charged by the inch... I didn't have enough money but I figured she'd be a good deal for you.
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Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea... if you add commas.
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"I'm in!" - Flynn
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I can text my bank and they will text me back my balance... I could do without the LOL at the end of it though.
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Hey, hustler on the corner... you know what drug I would buy from you? Claritin-D 24... but you never have any.
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There comes a point in every unicyclist's life when he sees a bicycle and says, "Jesus, they make them with 2 wheels now. I've been a fool."
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"We Built This City on Slave Labor and Freemason Secrets" - Thomas Jefferson Starship.
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