@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages
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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year... play it safe and call in sick tomorrow.
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Can you imagine how terrifying it would be to actually NOT know the difference between your ass from a hole in the ground?
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Watching a little kid learn to brush their teeth is adorable... unless they are trying to use a sharpie with no cap on.
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You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac... you're welcome.
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"Right." - Fred
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My dad probably can't beat up your dad anymore.
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They say "You are what you eat"... so maybe we should eat skinny people.
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I wonder if they have a minute of silence at a mime's funeral?
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Psychotherapy is like the boardgame Clue: "I know who did it. It was my mother, with the passive-aggression, in the 80's."
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I used to suffer from major blackouts. This one time,...I have no idea what happened.
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needs to have a fixed income... mine is broken.
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I call bulls*** on killing someone with kindness... that "kindness" crap won't even maim someone.
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I will never understand how someone could kill in the name of religion... or unfriend me on facebook.
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An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
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Pulling your phone out in front of your friends has the same effect as yawning.
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just gave a woman my number in Roman numerals... if she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
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thinks that it's no coincidence that there are no z's in insomnia.
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drinking at the bar so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you... but I've never driven a bus before.
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When people tell me I can't do something, I prove them wrong by complaining about it on Facebook.
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I never point fingers but if you look at my toes... they're fully indicating whose a f*cking liar.
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