hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages
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I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.
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Before Twitter Americans had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of their favorite celebrities.
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I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.
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I got life alert just in case I ever get a life.
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My retirement plan is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right.
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It's very important that EVERYONE gets a flu shot this year so I don't have to.
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This dude working at Subway is looking at me like he's never had anybody ask him to put some Government Cheese on a sub sandwich before.
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When you were a kid there was nothing more satisfying as when you made the honking signal to the truck driver and he honked back
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I don't know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
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I think about running away from home more often as an adult than I ever did when I was a kid.
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I'm going to retire and live off my savings. What I'll do the second day, I have no idea.
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The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to a woman. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.
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Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
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Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today… He just yelled at me.
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If you aren't sure if you like someone, here's a test: imagine they're dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
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Slippery Slope of New Years Resolutions: 1st Resolution: Go to the gym every day. 2nd: Feel guilty for not going. 3rd: Pie.
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Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it's just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone.
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I guess I should come up with a plan B in case the murderer that breaks into my house figures out how to get this blanket off of me.
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The more you know, the less you need to say.
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I have a horrible sleeping disorder where I have to wake up every morning and go to work.
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