flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Today's agenda: get out of bed fast enough to see my body imprint in the memory foam matress before it disappears.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 10:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I would like to hear a rapper say that he is pretty average with the rhymes.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 19:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lead singers, don't hold the mic out and ask us to sing the chorus. We paid money to watch you do that.
←Rate | 01-24-2012 11:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
←Rate | 05-08-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people that cheer and high five after their family member gives a dumb answer on Family Feud are better people than me
←Rate | 03-06-2013 07:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to see a drug commercial that says, "May cause extreme awesomeness."
←Rate | 03-18-2011 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sing in the shower. I think I sound pretty good. The other people in the gym don't agree
←Rate | 09-06-2012 17:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon why don't they just open a separate school for kids that don't have a peanut allergy?
←Rate | 06-26-2012 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
←Rate | 05-18-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mayan Calendar says the world will end on Dec 21, 2012, which really means a lot of babies will be born on Sept 21, 2013.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone can air guitar. It takes a true artist to air tambourine.
←Rate | 02-02-2012 04:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women spend all of their time deciding how to misinterpret everything you say.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 18:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suggested Transformers 4 movie poster slogan: Your Suspicions Are Correct, We Hate You and Think You Are Stupid.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 08:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to relive my single days when my wife gets home late by eating dinner standing over the sink.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you've ever put away a kitchen knife and not imagined the day you'll dramatically fight a burglar with it, congrats, I guess you're the adult.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook: making the high school reunion last forever.
←Rate | 07-16-2011 20:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried to make a list of goals today, but it got kind of sad after the first 12 all ended with "and then get some Dairy Queen."
←Rate | 09-10-2012 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was younger, I wanted to be a famous writer like Hemingway. I got the alcoholism down, just not the hunting and suicide part
←Rate | 05-11-2011 18:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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