Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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Page: 10 of 35
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MEN are like BLUETOOTH. When they are with You, they are connected. When they are not with you, they are searching for other devices to connect to.
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LADIES: So you are ordering the most expensive thing on the menu? You know that comes with d ick right?
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Girl: Mom, I want some fresh air.. Can I go for a walk? Mom: Yes, but tell your “fresh air” to drop you home by 9 pm..!!
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I don't have a short temper; I just have a quick reaction to bullsh!t.
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Don't text and drive. You don't want "lol" to be the last thing you say before you die.
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One man's potato is another man's vodka.
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If you can't love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
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So Taylor Swift is single? Again? Please allow me to express my sincere shock at this sudden and unexpected turn of events.
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My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
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My signature move is falling in love with people I can't have.
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"Till Death Do Us Part" should just be changed to "Till Sh!t Happens" during the wedding vows, coz people don't wait for “Death” anyways.
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I am not saying I hate you or anything but if you were ever badly hurt and I had the only phone to call you an ambulance I would order pizza delivery first.
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I can't believe someone actually went through all the trouble to create a fake Facebook profile, complete with fake photos, fake friends and fake status updates just so they could befriend and stalk me. I don't know whether to feel honored or terrifie
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Wedding rings are bad for your circulation.
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SWAG is for BOYS and CLASS is for MEN.
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My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.
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Always be true to yourself. But feel free to lie to everyone else as needed.
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You're sexy, but not "I don't care if you have horrible grammar" sexy.
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Wedding Rings - the world's smallest handcuffs.
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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
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