minnie haha Funny Status Messages
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I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
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I'm going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn't matter... something's gonna die tonight.
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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for dinner.
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No thank you GPS. I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger's seat who knows everything.
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Either my spidey senses are tingling, or my foot just fell asleep....
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I won employee of the month!!!.... again! I love being self employed.
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If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
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Uh-oh. My guardian angel just enrolled in the witness protection program.
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woke up this morning to a little frost on the pumpkins. Guess it's time to start wearing a bra again.
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The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.
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Screw doing sit ups...teddy bears don't and everyone loves them.
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Definitions: It is an "Asteroid" when traveling through space. It becomes a "Meteor" once it enters Earth's atmosphere. It is a "Meteorite" once it hits the ground. And it is "holymotherofgodwhatthehelljusthappened?!?" if it hits anywhere near you.
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I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers - but I think 2 are cops.
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Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
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maybe the Mayans were referring to the Twinkiepocalypse.
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Whiskey and Ambien. When you absolutely, positively, have to wake up naked on your neighbors lawn holding a mailbox.
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Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
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I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
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Don't let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
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They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
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