Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar

   I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.

   I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.

   This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I'm not your boyfriend.

   In my time, real men did not smoke cigarettes with batteries.

   You can't tell me what to do; you're not my demons.

   You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.

   well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

   Babies are participation trophies for men.

   Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything

   Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.

   As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me

   That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.

   "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"

   Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.

   My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.

   Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?

   It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.

   A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂

   At my age, I still do dumb stuff, but only slower.