santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Santa, no matter what my wife says, I have been very good this year.

   The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."

   Christmas is really kind of weird. “Let’s all sit around a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of our socks”

   Save $ decorating your Christmas tree well at the same time confusing your WiFi by placing Aluminum foil in the Paper shredder. Viola Tinsel and sketchy reception.

   Just got my wish list returned from Santa. The note attached said, "LMBO... NO!

   Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work, and the other half aren't so bright.

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

   I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October. I call it my jingle bell rock.

   August is almost over. Tomorrow is September 1st. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

   Why are you all still shooting off fireworks? It's July 8th for crying out loud! One of them flew off course and almost hit my Christmas tree!