Mick Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Poor Hillary can't get a break. She was at a Chinese restaurant, and when she cracked open the fortune cookie, a ballot with Trump's name was in it.
←Rate | 09-26-2017 21:37 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 10:59 by Mick Comments (3)  

   messageicon My uncle is the town drunk. Unfortunately, the town is Chicago.
←Rate | 07-30-2017 13:45 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pizza Guy: "Louie's Pizza. May I take your order? Me: "Is the owl there?" Pizza Guy: "Who, who?" Me: "Lol, that never gets old. Gimme a large all the way."
←Rate | 07-06-2017 15:35 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll never understand when someone says that they hate to drink water. To me, that's like saying you hate breathing. "Hey, uh, would you happen to have something to breathe other than air?"
←Rate | 05-29-2017 17:09 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 11:34 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girlfriend: Mick, I'm miserable in our relationship. Me: FOR REAL? Girlfriend: Yes. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've lost 10 lbs. Me: So you're saying it's over? Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 09:18 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have to go shopping. I got run over by a steam roller yesterday and need to get me a pair of size 200 x 14 pants.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 12:12 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pineapple on pizza is as appealing as pepperoni on pineapple upside-down cake.
←Rate | 05-07-2017 14:59 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
←Rate | 04-29-2017 12:47 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except for imitation grape soda; real grapes have never quite gotten over that one..
←Rate | 04-27-2017 11:12 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say that inside every heavy person there's a thin person wanting to get out. I must have the entire cast of America's Next Top Model inside me.
←Rate | 04-25-2017 13:28 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Earth is a beautiful planet. However, it's the disproportionate number of its horrible 7.5 billion inhabitants that were responsible for it receiving only 1 star on Intergalactic Yelp.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 14:57 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Q: What's Better Than A Rose On Your Piano? A: Tulips On Your Organ.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 12:57 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is Earth Day. The best way celebrate it just came to me. I'm going to go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 10:40 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"
←Rate | 04-17-2017 10:52 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those who speak charismatically does not mean they speak the truth.
←Rate | 04-16-2017 21:26 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 13:27 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I don't lose some weight, I'm gonna get one of those lap band things. Not the surgery. I mean I'll be able to fit The Stones on my lap.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 11:45 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 13:34 by Mick Comments (0)  


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