Gil Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Today is national drug take back day. For your convenience, I will be placing a collection basket outside my front door.
←Rate | 04-28-2018 09:14 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Jack Black and Jack White had a baby together, what name would they use?
←Rate | 04-22-2018 18:08 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Since smartphone cameras were first released in 2002, sightings of Bigfoot and UFOs have declined by 85%.
←Rate | 01-31-2018 22:34 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon It was so cold today, I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 21:21 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you never climbed across the living room furniture as a child, pretending the floor was made out of lava, or built a fort out of cushions and blankets, you didn't have a real childhood.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 12:19 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was abducted by aliens once, but after a couple hours the Mexican landscapers let me go.
←Rate | 09-29-2017 14:38 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 12:46 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Prince was hallucinating when he wrote "When Doves Cry". Has anyone ever actually heard a dove cry?
←Rate | 09-04-2017 12:35 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon M&M Mars are stupid if they don't shoot a commercial featuring Mayweather and McGregor.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 10:57 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?
←Rate | 07-01-2017 23:35 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think we'll be seeing a lot more of Alec Baldwin on SNL the next few years.
←Rate | 11-09-2016 05:27 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon What are the odds that Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch have another friendly 30 minute chat to talk about golfing and grandchildren?
←Rate | 10-29-2016 12:57 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 22:53 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon COPD is deadly and no one likes dealing with it, whether you are referring to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or the Commission On Presidential Debates.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 19:26 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon It costs you nothing to pay someone a compliment. Be nice to someone today. Kindness is contagious.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 12:30 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now I know why NASCAR fans don't watch the Olympics....Watching swimming is 10X slower than running and 1000X slower than automobile racing.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 18:50 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 12:48 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Too big to fail"...."Too big to jail"... same thing
←Rate | 07-05-2016 17:21 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Hillary gets elected, Bill will be the ugliest first lady ever.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 10:51 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon On January 25th 2006, Al Gore proclaimed we only had 10 years left to save the planet. Get ready for the end of the world in 23 days. Al Gore said it. It must be true.
←Rate | 01-03-2016 21:44 by Gil Comments (0)  


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