Bill Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Sometimes, to retain moisture, I'll brine whatever I'm smoking or grilling. I've found the best brine is made from the tears of 1000 vegans.
←Rate | 01-27-2016 12:58 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to get dressed up in bear costume and go down to Best Buy on Black Friday and scare the people camping out in tents...
←Rate | 11-18-2013 23:13 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Was just reading about the new 100 dollar bill design and wondered why I hadn't seen one yet. Then I realized it's because it's a 100 dollar bill.
←Rate | 11-04-2013 01:01 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house hammered, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister...
←Rate | 11-04-2013 01:00 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I think it adds character & emphasis to a conversation. I do find, backstabbing, lying, cheating and screwing people over offensive, but not swearing.
←Rate | 10-10-2013 14:00 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: "Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories."
←Rate | 08-24-2012 09:09 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Tupac should win a Hologrammy for his Coachella performance......
←Rate | 04-16-2012 10:57 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids, watch out for Obama supporters! They'll take half your Easter eggs and give it to the kids who were too lazy to hunt for their own.........
←Rate | 04-06-2012 09:22 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got my Do-si-dos. Sad thing is I'm about to eat the whole box, I'll be mad at myself later...........
←Rate | 02-23-2012 20:22 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does a Mexican re-fry their beans? Have you ever seen a Mexican do something right the first time?
←Rate | 12-14-2011 16:00 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Celebrating today's unemployment news is like getting excited about all the open tables in the Titanic's dining room, the media appears to be pretending the unemployment rate dropped for some reason other than holiday seasonal staffing.
←Rate | 12-02-2011 10:33 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Horse meat is now legal food. Look for McDonald's to introduce the supersized McStallion, low fat McMare, and super lean McGelding burgers, and don't forget the McPony for the kids....Thanks Obama!!
←Rate | 12-02-2011 08:59 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon My question: how did that monkey in Zanesville get herpes in the first place?!
←Rate | 10-20-2011 06:28 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon I personally think that Hank Jr is just laying the groundwork for a stint on Dancing With the Stars........
←Rate | 10-04-2011 09:39 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon FYI - Tomorrow is Hard Hat Friday......
←Rate | 09-22-2011 08:29 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh great....I just heard a satellite the size of a bus is expected to crash somewhere on earth tomorrow. Wear a hat!!
←Rate | 09-22-2011 08:28 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon lol, Any of you morons ever hear of snopes? Stop hating on Pepsi....
←Rate | 09-10-2011 00:47 by bill Comments (1)  

   messageicon I hope Eagles fans loaded up on batteries to throw at the hurricane, lol Philadelphia fans lol......
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:34 by bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon It seems this town is full of exhausted plumbers, well that is what I think they are anyway... Their pants are drooping off and their hats are turned sideways.... Take a rest guys
←Rate | 08-07-2011 09:22 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't worry, they'll probably get Casey Anthony when she tries to steal back her sports memorabilia...
←Rate | 07-05-2011 14:57 by Bill Comments (0)  


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