Funny Status Messages

   Whoever said I can't cook probably hasn't tried my cereal yet.

   My wife said, “Are you going to do that today?” I said, “That’s one of the options.”

   Step one: Go to a drive-thru. Step two: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me?" Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.

   I couldn't find a parking spot at work today... So I went home. Looks like they had enough people.

   The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

   Happy Earth Day! I'm doing my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.

   Whenever I see a warning label on peanut butter saying it may contain peanuts... I understand why aliens don't visit us anymore.

   A little bird told me it's going to be a beautiful day. My cat ate it.

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts. Because as soon as I get rich, I'm buying you all tacos.

   Good morning crazy people!