nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   I'd tap that...Haha....kidding I wouldn't even poke that on Facebook.

   Men - Alcohol impairs your ability to make good decisions. We don't want you to lose that ability... we want her to.

   When I say "I understand", it doesn't mean I agree, it doesn't mean I understand, it doesn't even mean I'm listening.

   Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?

   As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.

   You think when whoever invented the Bong, a black light appeared over their head....

   Let's say you were to date someone for a few months and then they told you that they were actually " married". Is that considered good news or bad news?

   iF YoU tyPE LiKE ThiS, YoU'rE prOBAblY tOo YoUNG To bE oN fACebOoK.

   The grass may be greener on the other side, but you'll eventually have to mow it:)

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   Ever wonder if you ordered something online, forget what you ordered and get mad because it still hasn't came yet?

   Watched my first Baseball Game of the year and can't understand why they sing, "Take Me Out to the Ballpark"? Duh......aren't you already at the ballpark if you're singing that song???

   Working on the art of the classic "Farmer Blow" technique. Figure I can save a lot of money on tissues with allergy season here.

   When your children come up to you after a minor incident and say," This is the worst day of my life!!!" Just look at them.....smile......and say, "You haven't seen anything yet".

   Thanks to all my FB Friends, for once again, reminding me it's Friday. This is also FB Spring Cleaning Weekend. Time to remove all the apps, polls, fan pages, pictures and friends you just don't need or want anymore.

   Was I the only one creeped out by watching, "The Time Travelers Wife"??? Nude adult male in the woods.....Six year old girl??? Just a little weird for a movie.

   Sometimes I wish I could be like Jeff Probst from Survivor. I'd love to walk into a Shift Briefing at work and say,"The Tribe Has Spoken"!!! Then walk over and extinguish their torch and tell them to pack their belongings and get the @#$% out!!!

   Wishing I was still in Grade School:( Miss taking naps in the middle of the day, snack time and recess. The part I miss the most is when you were bad, that hot middle aged Teacher spanked you with her wooden paddle.

   Just out of curiousity....Does anyone know how to get blood out of clothes??? Better yet, carpet??? Thanks!!!

   The inventor of the "Bumpit" made millions selling that hair accessory to women. I'm going to invent the "F**kit" and market it to women for those bad hair days.