@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages
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Page: 8 of 11
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a little rusty with my Spanish so I'm gonna go ahead and assume "beunos tardes" means "so long, you f****** retards."
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thinks you should always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.
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thinks that Google Maps can skip a few steps when giving me directions... I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
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thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk... just like in cartoons.
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believes there are two great rules in life: 1.) Never tell everything at once.
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Facebook asks me what I'm thinking... Twitter asks what I'm doing... 4Square asks where I am. Conclusion: The internet is my girlfriend.
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thinks Twitter spoils us... if only we could limit people in real life to 140 characters or less.
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thinks my doctor's waiting room needs some music... and better lighting... and more women... and a pole in the middle of the room... and a buffet.
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These red lights never give me enough time to finish my Facebook status upda
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I bet hell is full of morning people and obsessive compulsive Facebook pokers.
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just stubbed my toe so hard that I called my ex gf that I haven't spoken to in 3 years and broke up with her again.
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"Where are we going... and why are we in a hand basket?" ~ Me... when I die.
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Watching a little kid learn to brush their teeth is adorable... unless they are trying to use a sharpie with no cap on.
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Whenever I exit a public toilet... I make sweaty eye contact with the person waiting and say “Top that, cowboy.”
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Next time someone presses the elevator button you've already pressed... act totally impressed & tell them they did it waaay better than you.
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wishing that my computer would crash and erase all of the work I'm not doing this morning.
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alcohol may cause more deaths than AIDS, TB, and violence... but doesn't it make up for it with pregnancies?i
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tuned in to watch the Grammys but didn't see hardly any grandmothers at all.
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Whenever I'm on the phone with someone I like to scream WAIT DON'T HANG UP right as they're hanging up... then not answer when they call back.
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wants you to spit your drink at the person sitting across from you and tell them it's because you were laughing at this.
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