Joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wish more people would put their highways up for adoption. So many people want one and are unable to have their own.
←Rate | 06-14-2010 19:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
←Rate | 06-14-2010 19:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:51 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon surviving this massive amount of "family time" by pretending they are mental patients and I'm their case manager.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit !!!!!
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather be late in this world than early in the next.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend says I have a way with words..the WRONG way.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The car stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fight evil wherever it may be....except in dark scary places.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blind people must get stuck in bad relationships because they can't see other people.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dinner is no fun anymore since I stopped pretending I'm on TV when I'm cooking.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watch a naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (4)  


   messageicon Sure, I've done bad things in my life. But not "going to hell" bad. More like "Jesus is going to make me his b*tch in heaven" bad.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A psychiatrist is a highly paid baggage handler.
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  




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