hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages
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"The guy at the first window called you a little b!tch." - Me at the second window at the Burger King Drive-Thru.
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Its funny how head and shoulders becomes head, shoulders, knees and toes, when I run out of body wash.
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If people were meant to pop out of bed first thing in the morning, we'd all sleep in toasters.
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Some peoples glasses are half full, some are half empty but mine is cracked and leaking valuable water
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It's so hot I witnessed my dog catch fire while "draggin' ass" on my dead lawn.
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My bucket list is just a list of things I want to eat a bucket of....
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Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today… He just yelled at me.
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Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you
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I've learned sooo much from my mistakes.. I'm thinking of making some more
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If you were getting sexts from someone you're not interested in, does that mean you got molexted? Or is it textual harassment??
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I need an app that just screams "Put the phone down and go do something, idiot!" whenever I pick my phone up.
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Say no to drugs. But if the drugs you took are talking to you, then please share them with me.
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Every time I say stop, an epic battle takes place in my head where I decide whether to follow it with "in the name of love" or "hammertime."
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I appreciate the transparency that the Domino's pizza tracker provides, but updates like "Carl dropped your pizza" and "5 second rule" are a bit much
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If you've never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
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Why is it cute when your 3 year old presses her nose against the glass outside the ice cream shop? Whenever I do that I'm told to back off because I'm scaring the customers
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Well, it turns out my eye patch is actually something called a "Jock Strap" & suddenly I'm not allowed into the Pirate Party
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They say there's no such thing as a free lunch. Well, I'm in a posh restaurant right now, and I've got a spider in a matchbox that says otherwise.
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Apparently, armored truck drivers don't really like surprise hugs as much as I thought they would
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The saddest part of the recession is all of the laid-off workers at the C+C Music Factory
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