Gman Funny Status Messages

   eating bacon with Mohammed.

   What prescription was Peter on that caused cotton tail? I've had cotton mouth, but can't even imagine having a parched behind. Poor Peter.

   If the bank wanted the security picture on the front of my debit card to be accurate for my account, they would've let me frown.

   It would have been a more believable story if Jesus had died on a Monday and then rose again on a Saturday, just like I do every week.

   If they weren't meant to be used to get attention, God would've put boobs in a different place.

   I can't believe UPS stole the "What can brown do for you?" slogan from Ex-Lax. Ain't that some sh*t?

   I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see.

   F*cking a mannequin is not an excuse to tell your friends you're banging a model.

   I think it's safe to admit that my Retirement Plan consists solely of me acquiring a Time Machine and knocking Biff out in the parking lot.

   A fool and his money are soon dating women way too good looking for him.