Joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   Sorry Oscar, I had a date with Glenn and Rick and Daryl and Herschel

   Trying to fix my oven door in my apartment, but I couldn't find a screwdriver. Guess I'll just have to make one. #VodkaOrangeJuice #ProblemSolved

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long for fat people

   This cup is so good, I now know why coffee got it's own table in the living room

   If anyone ever tells me I put too much parmesan cheese on my pasta, I stop talking to them, b/c I don't need that kind of negativity in my life

   Thursday: Friday's younger, yet equally attractive sister

   I have failed to remove all the jellies. I have shamed myself, and my ancestors.

   If today drags anymore, it's going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress

   Wow, Lil Wayne's now on Paris Hilton's new song. Those tear drop tattoos should be real tears, Weezy.

   Waking up a 6yr old for school is a lot like AOL Online. Its slow, it whines and all progress is easily lost by electronic interference.

   This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues

   On a dark dessert highway, Cool Whip in my hair....

   First 20 mins of my day: I don't wanna get in the shower, I don't wanna get in the shower. Next 20 mins of my day: I don't wanna get out of the shower, I don't wanna get out of the shower...

   Everyone has awesome boobs in their bitstrip

   Im surprised kids haven't found a way to trick or treat online yet

   It seems all the girls in my school decided to go as a 21 yr old with low self esteem and daddy issues. Must have been weird for them to all have the same costume on

   My haiku for the day: Please this is tourture, evaluate your bitstrip, you don't look like that.

   apparently cyber monday takes on a COMPLETELY different meaning on some websites

   I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry b/c hey, who wants to do laundry on the last day of their lives??

   NOTE: God only takes those He wants.... Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus will be here FOREVER. For-ev-er.