Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   If I ever Google "things to eat in my fridge" and list is correct thats when I'll really be impressed with Google Earth.

   One way to piss a Twilight fan off is to plainly tell them it's about a Sick Girl struggling to choose between her fetish for the dead and her weird thing for animals.

   I love doing Dishes! I love doing Dishes! I love doing Dishes!...*sigh* this "Psyching Yourself Out" theory is bull$hit!

   I'm amazed at the amount of money every girl I know spends on clothing when when all of them in fact look better without any.

   I think my constipation is Psychological. I cant ever take a dump until I hear my wife say "I'm about to take a shower does anyone need to use the Bathroom?"

   I wonder if Tom from Myspace ever gets lonely and browses Facebook for friends.

   Dear Boss, Life is full of surprises. I'm not coming into work today. SUPRISE!!

   Whoever said "Good things come to those who wait" has never stood in my long a$$ line.

   The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.

   My nieghbor told me she had the smartest dog in the nieghborhood. "He always gets my paper and my slippers for me". I told her "I know my dog told me and I can't get her to quit describing your dogs bad breath."

   A Sunday school teacher once saw me leave a door wide open and asked "Were you born in a Barn?!" She shut up real quick when I replied "You mean like JESUS?!!!"

   Why is it that when your not supposed to laugh everything is HILARIOUS?

   I'm only on FB for fun. Please stop trying to manipulate me into reposting your sappy dumba$$ status update.

   Not all wannabe gangster wear the pants hanging down and chase girls at the mall. Most amazingly enough, are on facebook, are middle aged and post annoying requests on my wall to play Mafia Wars.

   The guy working the Drive Thru Window was a real smarta$$. Thankfully he got my order right so at least he wasn't a real dumba$$ too.

   Who ever made up the term "marital bliss" probably was the same genius who made up other phrases like military intelligence, pretty ugly, and authentic reproduction.

   I don't believe it's merely a coincidence the the letters in Frito Lay can be rearranged to spell "oily fart".

   I accept exceptions except when accepting them would be unacceptable because I'm exceptional.

   The best way to get your teenage son to roll his eyes is show him your "Jedi Powers" by waving your hand in front of the automatic doors at Target.

   Putting a friends name on your status update box on accident while searching for them is pretty funny for all your friends and family to see. Unless your friend is a Porn Site.