flipphonescott Funny Status Messages
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When gas stations start charging for air--that's inflation
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"As an alternative to dieting, I'm going to simply refer to myself as "value-sized"."
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"I love to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food."
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"Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."
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I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already."
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FREEBIRD! (When you purchase a bird of equal or lesser value.)
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"My alarm clock probably thinks I have anger-management issues."
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marry the 1st girl who unhooks it for you! She hates to see you struggle
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has no problem GETTING it together, I just can't KEEP it together
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I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.
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any body else going to grab a six pack order a pizza and watch the GOP convention?
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for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan
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It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
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Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
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I'm no grammar Nazi, but I hate when a girl's period comes late
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have you ever logged on to do a 5 min project on-line and 3 hours later you are kinda suicidal ?
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that was good I walked into walmart and walkout pissed off and a headache in under 2 mins. is it wrong to want to flip off the golden girl at the front door when she says have a nice day
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looking for a female that will go down on me as much as dish network does!
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Colorado Legalizes Marijuana and peyton manning buys 20 papa johns stores in Colorado! some people just get it!
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Bed good outside bad!
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