Tim Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?.....That's as crazy as the low low prices at Dave's Furniture Emporium
←Rate | 04-19-2012 03:20 by tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you say photographic memory or pornographic memory? I have one of those.
←Rate | 04-26-2010 09:46 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got my wifes Christmas gift. I hid it in the oven. She will never find it there!
←Rate | 11-18-2010 11:01 by Tim Comments (4)  

   messageicon showing his colleagues your profile and they're all laughing at your picture!
←Rate | 07-08-2009 00:08 by Tim | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks there are people in the cemetery that feel better than he does right now.
←Rate | 07-13-2009 06:15 by Tim | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks
←Rate | 10-01-2009 09:01 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.
←Rate | 08-09-2009 16:42 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks you're his smartest and best-looking friend on Facebook. (Thanks for not telling the others.)
←Rate | 02-28-2010 22:26 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got out of the shower and dried off with a Sham Wow! Think I'll slip into a Snuggie and watch some infomercials.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 20:17 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've got an empty coffee cup and no memory of drinking it. I don't put cream in my coffee, so I think that's a black out.
←Rate | 04-06-2010 23:42 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I seen a Lady driving a 18 wheeler on the highway today..Thought to my self.. Thats a funny looking kitchen..
←Rate | 08-01-2012 15:32 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon needs some fresh air and regrets the decision to let the cat lick up the spilled Fiber One yogurt.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 18:27 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon My grandfather was one-half Cherokee. When he danced it got partly cloudy.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:29 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't think you should put the pedal to the medal in that Toyota.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 08:23 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?
←Rate | 03-24-2010 00:38 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking about an Apple sporting goods store: iBalls
←Rate | 12-10-2009 21:33 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Am I the only one that found irony in Walmart having a whites sale this week?
←Rate | 03-22-2010 15:53 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon God was the greatest inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker
←Rate | 04-17-2010 11:32 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once dated a girl who owned a parrot. That crazy thing would never shut up. The parrot was kind of cool, though.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:32 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon just saw a Prius with that brake problem. It was barreling down the road at speeds exceeding 35 MPH.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:20 by Tim Comments (0)  

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