Susan Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called "a lot."
←Rate | 10-18-2012 12:54 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm high tolerance and low maintenance. What more could you ask for in a girlfriend?
←Rate | 09-29-2012 08:46 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason you pee in six different directions every morning.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 14:43 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playing with my hair will get you anything you want.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 09:43 by Susan Comments (1)  


   messageicon All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.
←Rate | 10-18-2012 13:24 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers.
←Rate | 11-07-2012 13:18 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 12:58 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.
←Rate | 11-07-2012 13:58 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Tequila, Why do you make me so angry and so horny all at once?
←Rate | 10-19-2012 09:15 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read an article about women being over thinkers. I've thought about it for a week. I definitely don't fall under that category.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:21 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd take you on a magic carpet ride, except that I shaved the carpet.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 13:08 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hoping my see through white shirt will distract everyone from the fact I'm not wearing make-up today
←Rate | 10-30-2012 15:28 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything this man said to me was a lie. Every.. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 15:43 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman raises her voice during an argument she's really saying, "STOP THROWING LOGIC AT ME WHEN I'm TRYING TO BE IRRATIONAL!"
←Rate | 09-20-2013 14:11 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 13:01 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:37 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call my bedroom 'the place where the magic happens' because it's where I make my self-respect disappear.
←Rate | 10-23-2012 12:47 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently washing machine riding should be done in the privacy of your own home. Oops!
←Rate | 10-30-2012 15:27 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a bad temper which means lots of make up sex and "I'm sorry" blow jobs. Who wants to date me?
←Rate | 10-28-2013 12:44 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there's anything I teach my daughter it will be to not ignore the nerds. Those people grow up to be sexy!
←Rate | 10-24-2012 14:27 by Susan Comments (0)  



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