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Jake Funny Status Messages
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My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.
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04-24-2018 19:04 by
Jake
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Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.
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04-24-2018 19:38 by
Jake
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Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
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02-27-2018 03:09 by
Jake
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Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
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10-11-2017 14:58 by
Jake
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It's better to be kissed by a fool than be fooled by a kiss
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11-19-2017 16:53 by
Jake
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On new year's eve while counting down the last 10 seconds, I lift my left leg so I'll start the new year out on the right foot.
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01-02-2018 04:10 by
Jake
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Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
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12-17-2017 00:50 by
Jake
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Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.
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10-21-2017 17:29 by
Jake
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I'm so old, that I stopped buying green bananas.
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02-24-2018 23:34 by
Jake
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. I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.
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08-25-2017 17:56 by
Jake
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Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
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04-23-2018 05:51 by
Jake
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It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
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01-02-2018 03:03 by
Jake
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A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.
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09-03-2017 02:50 by
Jake
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It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
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01-02-2018 02:38 by
Jake
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I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I'm left with the maniac.
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02-26-2018 23:15 by
Jake
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When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
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03-07-2018 23:38 by
Jake
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If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.
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09-24-2017 21:48 by
Jake
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If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
27
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10-10-2017 08:05 by
Jake
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Had 21 minutes of doggie style sex last night. That's 3 minutes in human time.
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04-16-2018 21:14 by
Jake
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In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
18
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01-04-2018 07:08 by
Jake
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