Jake Funny Status Messages

   If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?

   The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.

   Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.

   They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.

   You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.

   Every time the doorbell rings my dog will go and sit in a corner........ He' a boxer.

   Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner's high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.

   Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.

   I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.

   Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

   It's better to be kissed by a fool than be fooled by a kiss

   A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.

   On new year's eve while counting down the last 10 seconds, I lift my left leg so I'll start the new year out on the right foot.

   Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.

   Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.

   I'm so old, that I stopped buying green bananas.

   What blood type does a pessimists have? ...... B negative.

   . I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.

   It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.

   A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.