YourFavOriteAhole Funny Status Messages

   Guys, putting the word “Swag” in your Bio is a good way of telling girls you didn't finish school & your job is selling crack on the corner.

   I really dont understand interventions. What's the point of being told I have a drinking problem by a room full of reasons why I drink too much in the first place.

   You get a dozen chances to make a first impression when you're dealing with a pothead.

   I bet Jay Leno is amazing at putting on pillow cases & folding blankets.

   Thank God for my mother being so horny 31 years ago or I could have just died a slow death in a sock.

   Someone should really tell cab drivers not to Stink & Drive.

   My dog once licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree from Everest

   Someone accused me of stealing his status that I stole from someone else... awkward!

   Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.

   The reason why it's so hard to understand Rachel Jeantel at the Zimmerman trial is not because she's uneducated, it's because she has multiple necks. So it just takes a lil longer for her words to travel.

   Out of all the Socially Transmitted Diseases out there, I have Instagram is my favorite.

   Given that you can be anything you want on the Internet... I really don't understand why so many women portray themselves as skeeO's