m Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon All of this "which bathroom to use" debate is ridiculous....why can't we all potty like it's 1999?
←Rate | 04-27-2016 18:10 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Recent polls show 65% of Hispanics do not have a favorable opinion of Donald Trump...the other 35% immigrated to the USA legally.
←Rate | 08-26-2015 11:44 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the morning hits your eye like a big smelly cow pie.... That's A-Mon-dayyyyyy......
←Rate | 08-10-2015 09:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's hard to find a good air guitar these days.
←Rate | 06-18-2015 07:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are....the bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.
←Rate | 04-27-2015 19:39 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really like the people who say; "60 is the new 40" because I know if I borrow $60 from them, all I have to pay back is $40.
←Rate | 04-27-2015 14:13 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don't even have to hide a body.
←Rate | 04-03-2015 20:23 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I couldn't quite visualize what a nanosecond was until I dropped a piece of bacon and my dog had it gone before it could even leave a grease spot on the floor.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 11:57 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
←Rate | 03-30-2015 11:36 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lately, more airplane passengers have been killed by intentional acts of pilots than by terrorists...seems to me that the TSA is scrutinizing the wrong people.
←Rate | 03-27-2015 09:49 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blow me, I'm German...you can kiss the Irishman later.
←Rate | 03-17-2015 09:05 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon This weekend seemed to go a little faster than most. :/
←Rate | 03-08-2015 22:02 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't see what the big deal is with the legalization of pot in Washington D.C. is...I always thought those people were smoking something anyway.
←Rate | 02-26-2015 14:45 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert A. McDonald says he misspoke when he clamied he was in the "Special Forces"...he intended to say he was in "Special Education."...Easy mistake.
←Rate | 02-24-2015 15:12 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about this country is we have freedom of speech...the bad thing about this country is we also have Michael Moore.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 16:53 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I don't have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 09:53 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever made up the saying "It's the thought that counts" never got a pair ofcrocs for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-25-2014 07:50 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Half time" is that point in time when you are too full to eat a whole slice of pizza but you have plenty of room if you cut that piece into two pieces and eat them separately.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 19:58 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey people tin high-crime neighborhoods; How's that "Snitches get stitches" mantra working for you?
←Rate | 12-05-2014 13:22 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have an overwhelming urge to give the weatherman a swirly while screaming; "HERE'S A POLAR VORTEX FOR YOU BEE-OTCH!!!"
←Rate | 11-17-2014 17:52 by M Comments (0)  


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