joser Funny Status Messages

   I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

   Ask your doctor if being a doctor is right for him. Everything isn't about you.

   Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake sh it.

   Wondering if in the future, robots will have a dance called the human.

   I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.

   100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.

   Giving this positive outlook thing the old college try. Which means I'll only try on Tuesdays and Thursdays after noon.

   Its been a business doing pleasure with you...

   I enjoy watching uptight people try to act laid back.

   Traffic lights are society's way of mocking the colorblind.

   Behind every great man is a ninja. And behind that ninja is another ninja.

   I'm beginning to think the only real committed women are the ones who are institutionalized.

   I wish there was a "I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it

   I think people would be less likely to piss me off if they knew how much I watch Forensic Files

   Seriously, "BFF" I've haven't spoken to in 4 months, you deleted me on Facebook?? It only took me a month to notice. I thought we were tight

   Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

   Apparently the forklifts at home depot are "not meant for racing and for employee use only."They should really get a sign..

   I plan on using a treasure map as my will

   Birds of a feather flock together...then sh*t on your car...

   The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.